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Stress is a normal response to situational pressures or demands and is a part of everyday life. But chronic stress can lead to mental health problems and medical issues – CAMH

Stress is a warning that something is happening that we need to pay attention to. I was once told that there is a drug that heightens your senses, widens your eyes, causes your heart to beat faster so you can preform at your very best for a short period of time…it is called fear. It is useful! In fact, I do not believe we would be here today without fear, it gives us an advantage. Stress is the precursor of fear like revving the engine in anticipation of action.

Unfortunately, today stress has become ‘chronic’, long lasting.. This is like living your life with the engine revving all the time, eventually you wear out all the parts. This creates tension in our bodies that we really don’t notice.  I do something with my students where I ask if they are relaxed and of course they say ‘yes’, then I gently put my hands on their shoulders and watch as their shoulders slowly fall into a relaxed position. This constant stress is silent and beats us up from the inside. We need to recognize this affliction and work toward reversing this state of living.

I’ve come to understand that the stress I am feeling is a reaction to what I am telling myself is happening ‘out there’.  My inner system is sensing I am concerned and preparing me for battle. So… what if I stop. Become silent. Tell my body a different story.

If you are training your art to defeat other people you are misguided and don’t have a proper student mindset. You don’t build a house by starting to build the house. You start by building a life, family and friends that you wish to live with. Then the house has purpose. Your training is about the struggle within, the purification of your metal, the chipping away of the stone to reveal the statue. It is under the surface. Defending your health and preparing the vessel is the first battle.

I cannot chip away the stone by inaction, I must work toward my goal on a daily basis. Even the bird has to work its way out of the shell to defeat the darkness. Yet I also cannot purify my metal through actions alone … this is not enough. No matter how much I throw myself against the brick wall I will only achieve a headache. Sometimes I need to restore myself in calm inaction, time to sharpen my axe.

So if I cannot achieve forward movement through inaction, and I cannot have a calm and restored life through action. What is the answer? Separate the wheat from the husk. Use the stress yet do not let it set roots. Use it like fire in an engine to move you forward and if it is too great laugh at it. No, I literally mean laugh at it. Shake your head at the ridiculousness of this overwhelming feeling that you are helpless. You see, there is always something you can do even if that something is to accept what IS. “what now?” not « now what? » Serenity not surrender.

Serenity to the fact that somethings are happening that I cannot control and my only choice is to work my way through it, to face the sun again. I do not want to surrender to despair. Discouragement is the defeat of the mind! Once the mind is defeated the rest follows. I watched a student of mine die of cancer. She was in her forties with young children and a loving husband. She should have despaired, she should have been discouraged, she should have been stressed. Yet, in 2002 Chris moved forward, in action, working toward a cure and then restored herself, through inaction, when all that remained was living for the moment. She left this place on her feet. Serenity not surrender.

Having said that, those on the path know when it is time to ask for help and have the courage to do so. If your stress has turned to deep sadness and laughing is truly unachievable, tell someone and reach out to the healers in your area. This is something you can change.

Stay Balanced!

At the end of every year I would look toward the next, examining what I did well and what I could do better. In 2015, I was told that I take up too much space by a colleague. As with everything I listened to this observation and asked myself: What about this statement is their perspective only and what rings true to me?  Do I take up too much space? Is that what makes me unique? What does that mean about who I am? Is this something I wish to embrace or change?

This introspection is critical to self-growth with the key being to not take it personally. That is, do not let it into your being until you consider the source and content. My belief was that this gentleman was used to being the center of attention and the source of all truth and I threatened his identity. I also think he was expressing what others have discussed in private, behind my back, so for this I was grateful for his candor. My voice is loud and my presence is strong, this I know. I am passionate about what I believe in and this enthusiasm can put some people off, especially academics. So what did I learn that year?

Thoughtfulness.Be thoughtful (full in thought) of those around me. Consider if there are those who do not find their voice if mine is too strong. Try and enter a room slowly and release the light gradually. Be kind in my words and hear myself speak so that I can confirm that is what I truly meant to say with all of its ripples. Be thoughtful of myself and my needs. Do not sacrifice my own emotions to please others…I too am important.

Excellence. Excellence is not perfection! Perfection is a weight around your neck and a destination always out of reach fueled by ego and pride. Excellence is to strive to, to seek, to find, and never to yield to mediocracy. Be the best version of myself for myself. During my university days I was criticized as an ‘overachiever’. My response was “do not think I am an over achiever merely because I achieve over you” … not very thoughtful. My response should have been Thank You since I did not strive for high marks yet to truly understand what I am learning. Over achieving is achieving more than is expected of you by others excellence is expecting more from yourself and accepting where you land.

Authenticity.Be truly you –  yet allow that identifier to be fluid with your changing self. For example, you are not your job yet an authentic you will find a way to recreate the job so it allows you to shine. Authenticity is tapping into your inner light that burns away the husk that contains it. Brene Brown speaks about belonging versus fitting in. Belonging is being accepted for who you truly are and fitting in is being who others expect you to be. An authentic person belongs.

TEA. This has been my mantra for the last 4 years since it is finding the balance where you can be authentic, excellent and thoughtful where the challenge is. Excellent yet not arrogant, authentic yet not elitist, thoughtful yet not invisible. The Tea ceremony, chadō (茶道), is counted as one of the three classical Japanese arts of refinement. So, if you chose to follow these tenants remember not to let them lord over you. It is the action of the ceremony that clears the mind not the tea itself

If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people together to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.” 
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

What does it mean to be a teacher? Is it a position or a description? If you have the title of teacher does it mean you are one or do you become one through your actions? Can I say I’m a teacher or do people call me this?

In the martial arts people have made the title of ‘Sifu’ or ‘Sensei’ to be greater than ‘student’ yet this is not the case. These are supposed to be terms of endearment like mother or father. The parents are not more important than the child yet they are important for care and protection of the child. In the same way, what is a parent if they never had someone to care for. It is a relationship dependant on the other.

In Kungfu all the titles are based on the family structure (grandfather, father, big sister, uncle) since you would only teach those you trusted, loved and cared for. Do you only learn from the parent? Absolutely not! In fact, it is thought that peers have a greater influence on you than your primary caregivers. I use the word ‘teach’ here with caution since I know it conjures up THE teacher at the head of a class when I mean it more like the parent guiding the child. As an anthropologist we learn that culture, beliefs, ideas etc. are transmitted from one to another over time. This is done through traditions, activities, language and much more, so teaching is happening constantly even without intent.

“I never teach my pupils, I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn.” 
― Albert Einstein

You only truly learn through teaching another. I often say do it, watch it and teach it since without all three you can’t understand it. If you wish to be Kungfu then you must BE Kungfu. Unconsciously, you teach yourself and others with every action you make. It is important that I am clear here. You learn from each other and teach each other yet the type of teacher you are depends on what you transmit. At the same time, take the time to show and help each other since it creates a responsibility for the knowledge and challenges how much you really know what you know.

Lastly, remove from your vocabulary « I should know this », which often comes from the embarrassment of not knowing the answer to a question posed to you. This is ego. Instead say « that is a good question, let’s discover the answer together ». This teaches it is fine not to know and transmits the excitement to learn. There is not one teacher in the club, there are many. While the responsibility of your growth falls on me the support and love is shared.

Be kind to each other!

You cannot see the true mind in intentional actions but in those that happen out of the corner of your eye, when the guard is down and conscious thought is absent. Consciously, people can act a certain way to convince you of their intentions – whether based in truth or not. This is often true in the beginning of any relationship, where you act a certain way not because you are lying but because you are convincing yourself, and others, of who you wish to be.

Thoughts are fleeting so don’t take them too seriously. However, thoughts that are given attention or spoken often enough can take root. I have had fleeting thoughts that I recognize as unhealthy and immediately replace them with a healthier version…I do not entertain them, even in a negative way. I don’t feed those thoughts. Your thoughts do not define you so « don’t believe everything you think » since it is just your minds way of testing new ideas.

Having said that, you do have thoughts that have taken root. Sometimes they are based in what you think you know or have learned; things that have happened to you in the past, building a lack of trust; or a belief that was passed from previous generations. You may not even know you believe these things until they are challenged. In the past I have taught a student a correction and they immediately go back to the old way. They are not ready to believe the correction because the old way feels right. This is the mind that you can read through watching the actions.

Now that we have spoken of thoughts let’s move on to deeds. Again, I am not speaking of deliberate actions. Actions can be like perfume, used to cover up a stench. There is a story of a student that polished their sword every time the teacher walked by, but never when they were not watching. They polish the sword to impress the teacher not to do their duty, this is not correct action. If not careful both the student and the teacher will think that the mind of the student is diligent, and yes, both can be fooled for a time yet when the sword rusts from lack of regular polishing the mind will be revealed. This is an example of the connection between thoughts and deeds.

As a teacher I see the hollow act as evidence of what is happening inside. Maybe the student is excited to impress the teacher, maybe they are not aware that the polishing of the sword needs to be done regularly, maybe they are lazy and hope to rise up without effort. The unconscious action is the fruit that grows from the seed of thought. My teacher, Sigung Yamanaka, had a top student that betrayed him and I asked when he knew of the betrayal. My teacher replied, « When he failed to remove his shoes in my house, I knew I had lost his respect ». This was not a deliberate act by the student, yet a product of his true thoughts.

How about words? Have you ever heard someone say one thing and do another? The truth is in what they are doing. This disconnection between words and action shows the words are false. The funny part is the person might not even know this is happening and think the words are true. The goal is to align your actions with your words. The real story is in the words between the words, the conversations no one is listening to, and the tone. With practice you will see the mind and notice the actions are forced. Questions tell me where a student is along their training, like milestones. When the deeds or actions are solid then the questions have substance. Now this is the point where you think, « I better watch what questions I ask so I don’t appear shallow » – this won’t help. Honest questions come from hard work like smoke comes from fire. Your question will rise naturally because it comes from burning away the old. If you have to think of the question you have not worked hard enough to ask it.

To recap.

– Don’t take your thoughts too seriously unless you give them power. If you do empower them they can shape you, even the negative ones so pay attention.

– We have beliefs engrained in our unconscious mind that can be seen through our words and actions if we pay attention. Even though we can push out fake words and deeds, eventually under the right pressure the truth is revealed. So begin by aligning your mind with your desired beliefs.

– If you are of right mind your words and actions will reflect this. If you respect a person you will only speak and act with respect toward them and anything else would feel foul.

Right thoughts, right words, right deeds … does this only work one way? Or can right deeds mould your words that will create right thoughts? Training hard for the right reason can mould your character and rebuild you at a genetic level. Daito Ryu Jujitsu believe we have 108 sins that can be burned away with the mastery of 108 perfect techniques. If you train that hard and long you have no other choice but to meet your god and you cannot perfect a move without coming face to face with your imperfections. It is only in the forgiveness of self that you can move past the mistake and with that most definitely change your mind.

Sifu

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit”.

Aristotle

The stairs up and the stairs down are the same stairs … your perspective depends on a choice. So if « we are what we repeatedly do » then this includes the not so flattering acts that could eventually become habits.

What acts did you repeat today? Where did you work the groves into habits? The choices are not by the year, the month, the week or even the day but by the moment. Choose what you are going to become by the moment.

Iron Tree can be a place for you to work on the repetition of movements designed to form character, build balance, and increase strength. It can be a place for the repetition of ideas meant to teach you wisdom, fortitude, and perseverance. However, to build these habits you need to act, which starts with feet on the floor.

There is no judgement in the worn spaces, they tell a story. The story may not be the one you wished to tell but it is a story none the less. Listen to it because it is a truth. Your training is like this. Your character is like this. You cast a shadow and if you do not like the shape you do not blame the light.

Unlike the stone stairs above, you are never beyond reshaping your habits. It just takes repetition, repetition, repetition. So check your wear marks and adjust your acts so the repetition creates the excellence you strive for.

Sifu